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Written by Lady Johanna
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Saturday, 15 November 2008 09:18 |
I posted this to The PhoneSex Space a while back in reply to a forum thread about domination styles and thought it would be appropriate here:
My philosophy on D/s is pretty much the standard - safe, sane and consensual.
During phone domination, the "safety" is primarily emotional since I'm not actively doing anything physical (unless I'm swinging a whip around for my cats to chase while I'm on the phone!)
Physical safety is harder to ensure when I'm not physically there, so there are some activities I don't want a caller engaged in unless he knows me well enough to trust me to rescue if need be and I can monitor via cam.
Sanity is relative, of course. In fantasy, I'm of the opinion that there is no insanity, that it is OK to think or talk about anything, including things one would never consider actually doing. There are a few activities I am personally creeped out to discuss and even more forbidden by my platform, but I think they're all OK in fantasy.
Consensuality is easily handled by the fact that he can hang up, eh? ;)
Those are the basics for doing BDSM ethically, but that's not the *point* of it. An example is... my lover, Talia, is into caving. Her caving group is very safety-conscious and has trainings and practices rescues and such. But they don't drag themselves through mud and confront their fears in order to practice safety - there is a larger point.
The point of D/s is... there is a headspace in which one is completely out-of-control, where one goes non-verbal, and it's a magickal place. Taking someone there, guiding their flight, feeling where they go with them - that is the point of it.
In short, the point of domination is to induce submission. It is like flying a kite, you move the string to control the flight.
On the other hand, the point of sadism is just to get me off. ;)
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