Mistress Talia: a sadistic domme

This past week, I read this book... and honestly, I don't want to review it. Heck, I didn't want to finish reading it. The book just annoyed me and got on my nerves.

But... I have gobs and gobs of porn books, collected over the years. When I started this blog, I thought something along the lines of that I'd reread one once a week, then post about it. I wanted to only write when a book was fresh in my memory. However, it turns out this is a whole lot more porn than I actually want to read, so the book section of this blog is a bit flimsy.

So I am short on reviews and should take advantage of having recently read a porn novel. And secondly, though I don't like it at all myself, I suspect some of my readers might find it fine whack-off material. The stuff that bugs me isn't a problem with the story itself, which is kind of hot.

Submissions is by the same author who wrote My Darling Dominatrix.

The hero of the story is a guy who's been divorced a few years, his wife left him when she discovered he was seeing professional dominants. He has continued to see several over the years, and when he wins the lottery, he propositions his favorite domme to take control of his finances and fulfill his ultimate fantasy.

She buys a farm and spends a year outfitting it with dungeons and whatnot, hiring a staff of pro dommes with different talents and a household staff consisting of those with a personal interest in BDSM, and then the adventure begins.

If that story sounds hot to you, you will enjoy this book. A few bits of it were quite hot to me.

The bit that got under my skin was the frame the author put the story in. Beginning with the title, "Submissions", which implies something very different from "Fetishes".

Not that there's anything wrong with fetishes, I've got quite a few myself... the scent of leather, the sound of a cane whacking skin, facial contortions, screams - these are all things that get me wet independent of the person I'm with. I "get" fetishes.

Since I genuinely enjoy dominating others, I like fetishes I don't share also. The more I know about a submissive's hopes, fears and turn-ons, the better prepared I am to wield control. To me, it feels like playing an instrument, and the emotional life of the submissive is the sheet music I need to conduct.

That the author's fantasy doesn't happen to mesh entirely with mine isn't what bugs me, that his fantasy is about indulging all his fetishes rather than anything like what I recognize as genuine submission doesn't bug me either.

What bugs me is that both in the title of the book and in expository text throughout it, the author keeps insisting that what he does is somehow more "real" than what anyone else feels about BDSM, that somehow his feelings are more genuine than that of poseurs and players.

And he has no cause for feeling that way! We all know that when money is involved, faking is involved too. Everyone who does phone sex or professional domination isn't a genuine BDSM-enthusiast, and even when money isn't involved, some people have different feelings about WIITWD than others.

I call myself a sadist because I get off on inflicting pain. I call myself an ethical sadist because I get off on doing it consensually. I call myself a self-centered sadist because I don't enjoy it if you stub your toe, for pain to satisfy me, it has to be for *me*.

I call myself a dominant, not because I am a pushy asshole in "real life", but because in consensual sexual relationships, I greatly enjoy being in control, giving orders, being obeyed. I *like* playing my instruments!

This author goes on and on about submission, and "real" submission, and somehow being more real than fake BDSMers, and... it's an insult to every submissive I've ever known.

I hate talking about what is "real" and "fake" as it seems so many jerks do that, to insist that the type of BDSM they do is "real", that everyone who feels and behaves differently is a poseur. But submission *is* something specific. It's about achieving a satisfaction in serving someone other than yourself.

I do not have the psychology of a submissive, but even I know that feeling. I like to cook, and my cooking requires an audience. I enjoy a level of satisfaction in watching someone I care about enjoy a meal I have prepared for them. Cooking is not satisfying if I do it just for me. To a very minor and shallow degree, that is what a submissive feels when they are dominated.

I have felt a very magickal connection with several submissives, that they were genuinely gifting me their pain, because I wanted it, because it feeds me emotionally. And that connection is not just there when beating someone's ass, it's there when they fetch me a cup of coffee. They give their service to me, they give themselves to me. It's a very precious thing and both encompasses and transcends sexuality.

Now, I realize that submission is not the entirety of WIITWD, many folks have many different motivations for exploring BDSM. And I can greatly enjoy whacking on the butt of a non-submissive masochist, or other types of bottoms, including some for whom BDSM isn't even sexual.

But... that this author's fantasy is basically about having a whole bunch of hot femdoms top him for a couple years, making him wear panties, beating his ass, keeping him in chastity at night in his dungeon, giving him daily enemas and all... there's certainly nothing *wrong* with that fantasy, there's a whole lot of very hot bits to it.

But... hiring someone to do exactly what you want them to is not submission, it's fetishism.

I realize professional dominants are in a similar position as myself as a phone dominatrix, that we largely are hired to fulfill fantasy, and I'm OK with that. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

But ya know, if you call me and we discuss your fantasy in detail on the phone and you get off, that is not submission. It's a fine exchange, I enjoy many levels of BDSM that are not submission. It doesn't *have* to be submission to be fun!

But when you genuinely submit to me, I'm the one driving. I may play with your fantasies, use your fetishes against you, or for you, as I choose. My motivation is not fulfilling your fantasies, but mine. And your motivation is to please me. That what you wish to give meshes with what I wish to take is what forms the intimacy of a dominant-submissive relationship.

Of course, I don't achieve that kind of connection with the majority of my callers. I can't reiterate enough that there is nothing *wrong* with not being a submissive, or with not having that connection with a particular person. I genuinely enjoy most of my phone work.

But it irks me that this author doesn't have any notion of what submission is whilst simultaneously being self-righteously smug about how "real" he is, it just bugs me. It seems an insult to all of the genuine submissives I've known.

If not for the author's tendency to pontificate, the story was a pretty hot fantasy. So if the kinkier-than-thou attitude doesn't annoy you the way it does me, you might really enjoy reading Submissions.